MY DEFINITION OF STORM – Silent – Turbulent – Overwhelming – Renewal – Miracle
Bebop was a nickname ascribed to me by my sister Faye. I had forgotten about it maybe because only Faye called me Bebop but more about the moniker later.
In early 2009 my neck & shoulder were hurting terribly so much so that I began going to a chiropractor. As I was walking back to the office down crowded Randolph Street after one of my lunchtime chiropractor appointments – I became very dizzy – so much so I thought I’d fall out right there on the street. “God please don’t let me pass out on this street.” I could not remember if I had on matching underwear – a lesson my mother taught Faye and me long ago – always wear clean matching underwear in case you get in an accident. Hmm. I think that my questioning if my underwear matched motivated me to make it back to the office without fainting on the street. A few days later as I was exiting the bus, I had another dizzy spell. What is going on with me? I thought. Well at least my underwear matched that day.
When I got home, I immediately phoned my doctor’s office to make an appointment. A few days later, I sat in the doctor’s office waiting for the results of the tests I had taken. I asked myself – what is wrong with me – why these dizzy spells God? The doctor walked in and said “Parker most of your tests came back normal but we did find one problem– you have a small brain aneurysm”. OMG! I just sat there still and silent – the beginning of my STORM. So that’s the storm brewing inside of me? In my brain? I was dumbstruck. Finally, I asked Dr. O. What’s next? She explained that I would need to consult with a neurosurgeon who would advise me and place me on a treatment path. I got into action. I contacted my family and friends for recommendations and if they knew of anyone with or had a brain aneurysm. I got a ton of encouragement, great recommendations and even some wise cracks (my cousin Nick who was doing his medical internship at the time said – “yeah they’ll cut your head open” – yikes!!!)
I met with the top 4 neurosurgeons in Chicago. I chose Dr. D. In my consultation with him, Dr. D told me the aneurysm was small – only 3 millimeters and that was a good thing. It had a low probability of bursting. Did you know that many people walk around with brain aneurysms? They are quite commonplace? (I spaced out on Dr. D imagining people with aneurysms passing out on streets everywhere and wearing dirty underwear!!!) Dr. D caught my attention again when he said, “come back in 6 months and we will rescan to see if the aneurysm has changed or grown.” 6 months – yikes!
6 months later I was again in a doctor’s office wondering how I got there. Dr. D walked in and said, “Good news – the aneurysm has not changed.” I sighed with relief and thanked GOD. Dr. D told me “Go live your life – do yoga – don’t be around smoke and keep your stress levels low. We will see you next year”! That was 2009 and I am 3 years into another decade since my diagnosis I am STILL LIVING with an aneurysm whom I affectionately call Bebop. Bebop and I have gone through unbelievable stressors – losing Dad, my sweet sister Faye, my co-worker Lorenza, my sister-in-law Dessie, my Uncle Alfred – all in 1 year!!!
In 2020 my good friend Betty, my aunt Louise and my beautiful mother passed. I accepted Mom’s fate, an illness which had her in a nursing home. She subsequently died alone in that nursing home as the result of family not being able to be with her because of COVID 19 restrictions. COVID 19 may not have taken her life, but it certainly impacted her last days amongst the living. But even through that horrific occurrence I have felt some peace. In the beginning of 2021, I experienced another loss – that of my Dad’s last living brother, Jack.
But it was also a decade of unbelievable miracles – I traveled to France, England, Germany Bali, Singapore – completed 26 races including 2 full marathons, 9 half marathons, 9 Ten milers and so on.
Fell in love, fell out of love. I found I could love myself, enjoy a full life brimming with great friendships, activities and endeavors. I am finally accessing a part of myself that has been dormant. I guess I really needed an inner storm to shake things up.
Most days I do not consciously think of Bebop-I go about “living my life”. As of late I do realize I need to be more “mindful” of Bebop. I’ve allowed quite a few stressors to “rear their ugly heads”. Sure, for a decade plus, I’ve had brain scans every year – I never miss an appointment. Bebop’s size has not change. However, I believe a storm is gathering. “Bebop if you promise to stay put and not explode in my head – I will work diligently to quell the storm that’s brewing…and always wear clean matching underwear!